上海美达菲学校家长课堂：比智商和情商更重要的品质Grit

THE MACDUFFIE SCHOOL  

EXCELLENCE IN EDUCATION SINCE 1890

什么是教育中最重要的部分？怎么培养，才能帮孩子取得成功？

What is the most important part in education? How do you raise them to help them succeed?.

Positive Psychology

过去，人们将注意力主要放在智力开发上，认为掌握知识的多寡，直接决定了孩子的学业、事业表现及其能否在未来的社会竞争中取得胜利。

In the past, people focused their attention on intellectual development, believing that the mastery of knowledge directly determines a child's academic performance, career performance and whether he or she can win in the future social competition.

由美国心理学家Daniel Goldman完善的情商概念则指出，孩子未来的学业表现、事业成就、生活的幸福程度，只有不足20%取决于智商，其余绝大部分是由情商决定的。

The concept of emotional intelligence, developed by American psychologist Daniel Goldman, points out that IQ accounts for less than 20% of a child's future academic performance, career success and life happiness, while EQ accounts for most of the rest.

正向心理学（Positive Psychology）则提出了七项指标，认为它们是预示孩子未来成功的“七大秘密武器”。这七项指标分别是：Grit坚毅、Zest激情、Self-control自制力、Optimism乐观态度、Gratitude感恩精神、Social intelligence社交智力、Curiosity 好奇心。

Positive Psychology has come up with seven indicators that it considers to be the 'seven secret weapons' of future success. The seven indicators are: Grit, Zest passion, self-control, Optimism, Gratitude, Social intelligence, and Curiosity.

情商，只是社交智力的一部分，而智商，压根被排除在了这“七大秘密武器”之外。以正向心理学为基础的性格教育不相信“智商决定论”及“人的命天注定”的遗传出身论，认为孩子是后天教育可塑的。家长、教师等如能给孩子做出表率和示范，则孩子完全可以被培养成在未来成功的人。

Emotional intelligence is just one component of social intelligence, while IQ is not one of the seven secret weapons. Character education based on positive psychology does not believe in the theory of "intelligence quotient determinism" and "human destiny is predestined", and believes that children are malleable after education. If parents, teachers and others can set an example for children, children can be trained to be successful in the future.

Character education that cannot be ignored

Grit可译为“坚毅”，但其涵义远比毅力、勤勉、坚强都要丰富得多。如果你见一个孩子“能很投入地一直做一件事很久”，这就是Grit。向着长期的目标，坚持自己的激情，即便历经失败，依然能够坚持不懈地努力下去，这种品质就叫做坚毅，Grit坚毅是每个人都可以开发的。父母和学校还是有很多空间，可以帮助孩子塑造坚毅的品格，这将有助于他将来在任何领域获得成功。

Grit can be translated as "perseverance", but its meaning is much richer than perseverance, diligence and toughness. If you see a child who "can do one thing for a long time with dedication", it is Grit. Towards long-term goals, adhere to their passion, even after failure, can still keep on working hard, this quality is called Grit, and everyone can develop it. There is still plenty of room for parents and schools to help build the strength of character that will help a child succeed in any field.

Grit教育警示我们：决定孩子成功的最重要因素，不在于我们给孩子灌输了多少知识，而在于我们是否帮助孩子获得了以Grit为首的七项重要的性格特质。

Grit education warns us that the most important factor in determining a child's success is not how much knowledge we imbue to the child, but whether we help the child acquire the seven important character traits headed by Grit. 

Key：Shaping children's growth mode of thinking

“成长型心智模式”认为人的智力、能力和性格是可以改变，这样的人持有“能力增长观”，他们认为自己的能力是可以渐进的，他们所关心的是进步，关注的是自己的发展。他们做事的特点是不易放弃，更能从过程中享受到乐趣，更容易寻求帮助，复原力更强，越是感到糟糕时，越能加速行动，去做更多的事情。

The "growth mental model" holds that a person's intelligence, ability and personality can be changed. Such people hold the "ability growth view". They believe that their ability can be gradual, and they care about progress and their own development. They are less likely to quit, more likely to enjoy the process, more likely to ask for help, more resilient, and more likely to speed up and get more done when they feel depressed.

“僵固型心智模式”则认为人的智力、能力和性格不可改变，这样的人有“能力实体论”。他们更在乎自己看起来怎样，是否显得聪明，能向外界证明自己到底拥有了多少，相比进步，他们更在乎的是外界的标准，以及如何证明自己。持这种想法的人，往往会避免挑战和冒险，免得显得自己不聪明，他们不肯付出太多努力，因为那样说明自己很笨，他们急于为错误辩解找借口，不愿意寻求帮助，因为那样意味着自己能力不足。对待挫败，很容易放弃，因为他们认为自己的能力是固定有限的，所以不必努力。

The "rigid mental model" holds that a person's intelligence, abilities, and personality are unchangeable, and that such a person has a "competent entity theory." They care more about how they look, whether they look smart, how much they can prove to the outside world, than progress, and how they can prove themselves. People who hold this view tend to avoid challenges and risks so as not to appear smart. They are reluctant to put in too much effort because that would indicate stupidity. They are too eager to make excuses for mistakes and unwilling to ask for help because that would imply inadequacy. They tend to give up on frustration because they think their abilities are fixed and limited, so they don't have to work hard.

比如一场考试，成长型心智模式的学生会比较在意自己是否学到了知识，对于错误他们愿意重新尝试，直到得出正确答案为止；而僵固型心智模式的学生，他们则比较在意自己的分数，如果分数不是很满意，他们会向后看还有多少人不如自己。

In a test, for example, students with a growth mental model are more concerned about whether they have learned something and are willing to try again for mistakes until they get the right answer. Students with rigid mental models, on the other hand, are more concerned with their own scores, and if they are not satisfied with their scores, they will look back to see how many others are worse than them.

What should parents do?

Present challenges in front of your children

真正的成功往往发生在人们突破边界和障碍的时候。如果你的孩子一直没有机会战胜一些困难，他可能永远不会具备面对挑战的自信。体验冒险和障碍是孩子学习的一个重要途径。让孩子有机会去追求至少一个很难的事情。最好是一件有严格纪律和规则，需要长期练习的事。比如钢琴、舞蹈。做得怎样并不重要，尽可能去努力才是重点。在这个过程中，孩子也许会很焦虑，但是当他克服障碍时，他就会真正爱上这件事，并且找到发自内心的坚持下去的动力和自信。

True success often occurs when people break through boundaries and barriers. If your child has never had a chance to overcome something difficult, he may never have the confidence to face a challenge. Experiencing adventures and obstacles is an important way for children to learn. Give your child the opportunity to pursue at least one difficult task. It is best to do something with strict discipline and rules that requires a long period of practice, like piano and dancing. It doesn't matter how well you do it, just try as hard as you can. In this process, the child may be anxious, but when he overcomes the obstacle, he will truly love it and find the motivation and confidence to carry on from the heart.

Teach your child that you don't have to be perfect every time

当孩子遇到困难时，我们应该告诉他，努力就好，不需要每次都做到完美，重要的是过程的收获和体验。成长型思维的孩子不是跑得多快，而是摔倒之后站起来继续跑，哪怕是最后一名。

When children encounter difficulties, we should tell them that it is good to work hard, it is not necessary to be perfect every time, what is important is the harvest and experience of the process. Growth-minded kids don't run fast, they fall down and get up and keep running, even if they finish at last.

Don't end on a frustrating moment

不要给孩子灌输擅长什么、不擅长什么皆因天赋所赐，那样可能会导致孩子轻易放弃的习惯。天才也需要不懈的努力。在遇到挫折的时候要求孩子不要立即放弃，要求他们没一件事情都要坚持到底，这样的锻炼会让他们认识到，学习过程中需要克服一些不适和障碍，这是自然的事情。

Don't give your child the idea that he is gifted at what he is good at and what he is bad at. That may lead him to give up easily. Genius also needs tireless efforts. The exercise of asking children not to give up immediately when faced with setbacks and to stick to everything will teach them that it is natural to overcome some discomfort and obstacles in the learning process.

Give your child the push they need

没有哪一个孩子会自动“上链”，也没有哪一个孩子会毫无惰性，需要给予孩子适时必需的推动，比如帮助他们制定学习计划、设立目标、鼓励坚持、陪同练习等等。孩子初期可能会抱怨，但在家长的坚定下，他们会慢慢体会到乐趣，抱怨会日益减少，积极的体验会日益增多。

No child is automatically "on the chain", and no child is inert. They need to be given the necessary push at the right time, such as helping them make learning plans, setting goals, encouraging persistence, accompanying practice, and so on. Children may complain early on, but with parents' determination, they will gradually experience fun, less complaining and more positive experiences.

Guide your child to deal with failure and frustration

成功是一段相当漫长的旅行，而且布满艰辛险阻，失败、困惑、沮丧都是旅程的一部分。如果孩子明白这点，首先不会将失败的原因归因为自己的能力问题，自我认同感不降低，就更会有毅力坚持下去。在孩子遇到困难的时候，启发他们自己思考解决，而不是直接告诉他怎么办。

Success is a long journey, and there are many difficulties. Failure, confusion and frustration are all part of the journey. If children understand this, first of all, they will not ascribe the cause of failure to their own ability problems, self-identity is not reduced, more will have perseverance. When your child has a problem, encourage him to figure it out for himself instead of telling him what to do.

Focus on praising your child's efforts, strategies and choices

我们在夸奖孩子的时候，尽量避免夸奖他们的聪明和天赋。夸孩子努力用功，会给孩子一个可以自我掌控的感觉，孩子会认为成功与否掌握在自己手中；而被夸聪明的孩子，会感到自己取得的成绩是天生的，是恒定因素决定的，不在自己掌控之中。有实验表明，被夸努力的孩子，90%会选择难度较大的任务完成，而被夸聪明的孩子，大部分会选择较为简单的任务，他们为了保持看起来“聪明”，不会选择冒险和出丑。

When we praise our children, we try to avoid praising their intelligence and talent. Praising your child for his hard work gives him a sense of control and a sense that success is in his own hands. Children who are praised for their intelligence feel that their achievements are innate, fixed and out of their control. Experiments have shown that 90 percent of children praised for their efforts chose difficult tasks to complete, while children praised for their intelligence mostly chose easier tasks, avoiding risks and making fools of themselves in order to remain "smart".

Share what you've learned

己所不欲勿施于人，让自己成为成长型思维的父母，才更能感染孩子。多和孩子讲一讲自己失败的经历，谈谈自己面对失败时的想法和选择，怎么从失败中站起来继续前行，这是孩子所能学到的最好的能力。

Do not do to others what you do not want others to do to you. Let yourself become a growth-thinking parent, so that children can be more infected. Talk to your child about your failure experience, talk about your thoughts and choices in the face of failure, how to stand up from failure and move on, this is the best ability for your child to learn.

THE MACDUFFIE SCHOOL  

EXCELLENCE IN EDUCATION SINCE 1890

上海美达菲学校全方位关注学生成长问题，聚焦家长需求。“家庭教育、学校教育、社会教育”三位一体，构成了孩子成长过程中的教育之路，这其中，家庭教育与学校教育的联合会产生“1+1>2”的效果。

Shanghai MacDuffie School focuses on the growth of students and the needs of parents. The trinity of "family education, school education and social education" constitutes the way of education in the growth of children. Among them, the union of family education and school education produces the effect of "1+1>2".

上海美达菲希望在每段家校合作的关系里，都能把最好的成长带给孩子。家校相互鼓舞着前进，相互簇拥着成长，也互相温暖着前行。希望通过一次次家校沟通，形成教育合力，高质量地达成我们的共同目标和教育愿景，协同助力孩子们的美好明天，最终抵达共赢的彼岸。

Shanghai MacDuffie hopes to bring the best growth to children in every home-school cooperative relationship. Home and school encourage each other to move forward, grow together and warm each other. We hope that through communication between home and school, we can form joint educational force, achieve our common goals and educational vision with high quality, help children to have a better tomorrow, and finally reach the other side of win-win.

THE MACDUFFIE SCHOOL  

EXCELLENCE IN EDUCATION SINCE 1890

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